Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Try The Fish

Tell you what, I had a lot I wanted to write about tonight. Serious intellectual discussion, philosophical debate, all that kind of thing. But I’m actually far too tired. Here’s a joke:

There were these two old boys, Hector and Willie, and I’m sorry to report their minds were both on the way out. Not what they used to be, you know? So one day Hector and Willie are sitting on the park bench when they hear the chime of an ice-cream van.* Hector says “I’ll tell you something, that’s really put me in the mind of an ice cream.” Willie agrees, “aye, I could handle an ice cream myself.” So Hector stands up, “alright, what are you having?” “I’ll just take a large cone,” says Willie, “but let me go with you.” Hector says “don’t be silly, sit there and I’ll be back with two large cones. No sense in both of us going.” Willie says “aye, but I know what you’re like Hector, you’ll forget something.” Hector says “What am I gonna forget? It’s two large cones…” and Willie says “nah, but I’m after a flake though.” “alright,” says Hector, “two large cones and a couple of flakes.” Willie’s still not convinced, “I’ll have to come with you Hector.” Hector says “you will not, I’ll remember.” Willie says “the thing is though, I want sprinkles. I don’t want to confuse you with sprinkles.” “Don’t talk pish,” Hector says, “I’m not about to get confused with sprinkles, now will you let me go?” Willie won’t let him go. “Hector you know very well you’re not up to this, something’s gonna get forgotten.” Hector says “it is not,; two large cones, flakes and sprinkles.” “And strawberry sauce,” says Willie. “Good grief, now he wants strawberry sauce as well?” “Aye I want strawberry sauce, that’s why I’ll have to come with you, cos you’ll forget.” Hector’s getting agitated; “listen, nothing’s getting forgotten alright? Two large cones, flakes, sprinkles, strawberry sauce; I’ve got it.” Willie fixes him with a hard look. “You’ve got it?” “Aye I’ve got it.” “You’re sure you’ve got it?” “Listen, I’ve fucking got it…” So Willie relents; “alright, away you go then…”

Willie sits there waiting. Minutes pass: five, ten. Hector’s not back yet. Willie’s checking his watch, wondering what’s taking his pal. Surely it doesn’t take this long to get a couple of ice creams? Eventually Hector returns and he hands Willie a package wrapped up in newspaper. Willie looks at it for a second a then he says “Hector, what the fuck’s this?” Hector says “what does it look like? It’s a single fish.” Willie’s aghast, he says “single fish? where’s my chips?”





*I had an uncle that went into business with an ice cream van once. It melted...

Thank you very much, I'm here all week...

1 comment:

  1. I must say I like your rambling I really should get back to blogging more.

    Love Siobhan Diamond x

    ReplyDelete