I Got A Flow Make A B*tch Do A Cartwheel -or- Sound For Language -or- American Slang

Hey it’s good news everyone: I’ve been web-sensed. I don’t know if web-sense is a big thing or whatever, so here’s just a brief explanation: if you happen to work for the council or something like that and you’re reading this on your council-provided internet… well, the point is you won’t be reading this on your council-provided internet, because I swear too much and they won’t let you get on here any more. Either that or the photo I’m displaying was getting all the woman council employees too giddy and flustered and no work was getting done, but I’m pretty sure it’s all the swearing and wank-talk.

Now, you’ve heard the argument that swearing too much makes a person look like an idiot, shows your lack of a decent vocabulary or whatever. This is bullshit, here’s why: language exists the way it does for a reason, and to claim that there’s no need or excuse to use swear words betrays a very deep ignorance of the way it works. Did you ever see that experiment they did with the two pictures, and they told the participants that each picture had a name? They called one Kiki and the other one Bouba and asked people to say which one they thought was which, and something like 95% of people all said the same thing. Go and google it the images or something, see if you get it right. The point here (yes there’s a point) is that the way you speak isn’t just a random collection of sounds, words have a reason to sound the way they do and that’s why swearing exists. Remember ages ago when they did that stupid poll to find the nation’s favourite word? The winner was “serendipity.” Now here’s why that whole idea was bullshit: serendipity is a good word, but it’s only good for it’s purpose; the way it sounds sort of conveys, well not its meaning per sé, but the idea of it, you know? What I’m trying to say is that it’s a good word, but it’s not any better than fuck, for example, because they both exist to serve a certain purpose and they both succeed in doing so. Try it yourself, next time you step on a plug or whatever try yelling “serendipity” at the top of your voice, see how far you get. Ok, that’s all I’ve got about that.

Have you heard that Chiddy Bang track by the way? He’s got the trendy, by-assholes-for-assholes indie band sample, he’s got some very sketchy rhymes, he’s got the novelty gimmick video that he presumably initiated when the standard issue original failed to perform… in short, everything about it says “Luke, you hate this track.” But here’s the thing: I actually think it’s fucking great. Really. Ok, what else? Here’s the thing about sunglasses indoors/at night: this isn’t cool or lame in and of itself, how it works is that it’s about twice as cool or lame as the person doing it. Long story short - if you’re lame to begin with, don’t fucking do it. Also, I saw a guy in a G-Shock watch the other day. G-Shock watches - what happened there? And on a related note, does anyone know where Cilla Black is?

But seriously though, the new Gaslight Anthem record: on the first listen it sounds pretty good. Not the best they’ve ever done, but pretty solid y’know? Definitely worth a listen if you get a chance. It’s not “The Monitor” but it’s ok. And on that note, “The Monitor” by Titus Andronicus is fucking amazing. Listen to it immediately. Alright that’s enough, time for me to go to work and make dinner for assholes. Cheerio.