Just Go Ahead And Think "Horsies"

I suppose rationality’s sort of a big thing just now. One of those buzzwords or whatever. It’s a pretty strange thing but even he smartest of people, even the staunchest defenders of a rational standpoint can get kind of ridiculous. So, I’ve been away for a little while recently; when I came back I found my bedroom not quite the way I left it. Just little things: some things had been moved and it looked like someone might have slept in my bed. Now it’s possible that while I was away some beautiful woman might have broken in, and while she was in there suddenly succumbed not only to nymphomania but also to agoraphobia and what d’you know? Looks like for the foreseeable future I’m stuck in my bedroom with a beautiful, sex-addicted woman who refuses to leave. Like I said, it’s a possibility but do you know what? It actually wasn’t the first thing that crossed my mind when I realised someone had slept in my room. Cos, y’know, be reasonable…
Now don’t get me wrong here, I know that irrational fears are pretty much an inherent part of the human condition. I’m well aware of that, ask me about snake-men some time. The thing is though, that you’re an idiot if you let your irrationalities take possession over the reasonable part of your mind. Let’s use terrorism as an example. (Yes I know it’s lazy and an easy analogy to make but what can I say? I’m stupid and lazy.) So we’re told that our country, our families and our pets or whatever are constantly at risk from terrorism and that as a result we have to let whatever failed nightclub doormen they have at airport security look at our dicks on the x-ray machine whenever they want to. Acceptance of the frankly ridiculous security rigmarole they have at the airport is a very clear example of irrational fears overtaking our reason. I say fear of terrorism is irrational because, by and large, terrorism doesn’t fucking happen. And don’t think it doesn’t happen on account of dick-viewing airport security men; terrorists can attack whatever the fuck they want. Have you ever been on a train? Or a bus? Or a busy street? All of these things would be pretty easy to blow up if you knew what you were doing, the fact that our cities, as a rule, don’t on the average day look like the set of Die Hard leads me to the fairly rational conclusion that terrorism isn’t really that big a threat. The message here, as I’ve said already, is simply this: be reasonable. Just because something's possible it doesn’t mean you have to assume that it’s actually going to fucking happen. And I understand the problem. I know that we don’t really have a sense of community the way I’m told we used to, that nobody speaks to each other any more and the result is a crippling emotional disconnect that’ll make you feel impotent and powerless and redundant at times, but personally I don’t think that’s an excuse to try to manufacture some sort of drama where there really isn’t any drama at all. So next time you come home to find your bed slept in, don’t go and assume that Zooey Deschanel’s car broke down outside and your flatmate invited her in to sleep in your bed and bone you. It was probably just that your friend came to stay or something. Ok, That’s all I’ve got to say about this.