"Fuck You I Won't Do What You... Wait, What Do I Have To Buy?"

Ok, Rage Against The Machine are Christmas number one this year. This, reader, is an Important Thing. Yes it is. Yes it is, it made the front page, man. Big news. So anyway if you didn’t hear about it yet, or if you’re just as confused as I am, let me explain:

Some time ago there was a pretty mediocre rock & roll band and they came up with a load of songs that were all about not conforming, and not doing what The Man thinks you should do and all sorts of really cool but actually totally horsecrap teen-angst shit like that. This was really cool. Then, about fifteen years later about 200,000 people all got told to go and buy the same record and then they all went and bought the same record. This was also really cool. All clear? Good.

Ok, am I the only one thinking it’s sort of weird that the fucking refrain from Killing In The Name goes “fuck you I won’t do what you tell me,” and all it takes to get a bunch of jackoffs* to go and buy it is just telling them to? I don’t know, man. Maybe I’m missing the point. This whole thing was supposed to stop the X Factor getting to number one or something? That’s cool I suppose. And Rage Against The Machine are a pretty cool band, cooler than whatever softcock douchebag Simon Cowell managed to drag out of Phones 4 U’s employment pool this year anyway, but would it have made more sense to have a campaign that just went ahead and said “don’t buy the X Factor?” Surely that would have struck a much bigger blow in that, y’know, people wouldn’t have bought it? But that shit plain wouldn't have worked, here’s why: people (and I think I’ve discussed this before) are assholes. I figure it at about 90-95% of people are moronic assholes who won’t do anything unless they’re told exactly what to do and why it’s cool to do it. That’s why Rage Against The Machine’s fucking boner brigade are about a cock-hair’s width away from acting in exactly the same way as every unthinking dullard that went out and bought Retard Joe’s single. And that’s why there is nothing cool about this whole sorry affair.

By the way, if you’ve just finished reading and you’ve entertained this pile of dogshit at all, you’ve missed the point entirely. You see this article is completely academic because I’ve glossed over the fundamental point of the argument: it’s the Christmas number one. If you’re over the age of twelve and have even the slightest interest in Christmas number one you’re definitely some sort of backwards, arrested development retard that deserves to be sterilised or worse.

Merry Christmas Number One Jackoffs!





*P.S. I think I’m gonna bring the word “jackoff” into play. I think it‘s a good word. “jackoff…” Ok? Ok.