A Modern Way of Talking Shit About People and Things You Know Nothing About

I went to see this band idlewild the other night. You might know them. If you don’t you can probably stop reading ‘cos most of this is going to be about them. It’ll be sort of like a review of their show, except not really because I’m not important/pretentious enough to call it that, I’m not really anyone to judge other peoples’ artistic endeavours and probably nobody’s going to fucking read it anyway. With that out of the way, off we go…

Idlewild have a fucking array of techs; I mean they’ve got a veritable army of them. Ok, maybe not an army but a platoon or something. I don’t know but they have a fucking lot, probably more than any other band of their size/scale that I’ve ever seen. For this reason it was pretty surprising when they burst on the stage, smashed into their first song and one of the guitarists’ amp didn’t work. You’d think with so many paid assholes shuffling around the stage for twenty minutes before the band comes on at least one of them would think to check that the signal from the guitar was actually making it’s way to the amp wouldn’t you? Well you’d be wrong, asshole. So that whole scenario didn’t exactly make for the most dynamic, energetic start to the show and when they pulled out their smash hit song “American English” third I was still about as dry as a nun on Sunday so it didn’t really hit home for me. I’ve got to tell you, though, it seemed to work for the crowd, they went hog-wild for it. Bear in mind though that this is the same crowd who, just minutes previously, had gone hog-wild for the fact that “oh my god somebody brought a whistle and then they whistled the whistle and it made a whistle noise!” so, y’know, make of that what you will… It’s not like they played the song badly or anything, it just seemed, especially with them having technical issues, that it was in the wrong place in the set. This was an issue for me throughout the night. Once Zammo or whatever his name is managed to sort out his guitar they played pretty well, but their set just wasn’t cohesive. I think I’m right in saying there was a break after every single song and at times I felt like I would’ve been better just staying at home with my greatest hits CD which I don’t actually own. When I go to watch a band I expect them to put on a show and for me it felt like idlewild were just playing songs, it was almost as if I’d wandered into their practice studio one day when they were all pretty fed up and not really all that into it. That applies for their performance as well; lacklustre is one of the more polite words I can think of to describe the performance of a singer who repeatedly strolls offstage during the instrumental parts of the songs. It seemed, on the whole that they were spinning their gears… hold on a minute I just thought of something. Ok, bear with me, the very same day I went to see idlewild I happened to watch this tv programme featuring the foo fighters and I thought to myself that I’ve never been really excited by a band that predominantly features long hair and beards. Are you with me? Some long hair beard bands are pretty cool and everything but I can’t remember ever thinking “wow, this band is really really good, I’ve never heard anything quite like this before” in relation to a band with long hair and beards. Is that just me? Can you think of any bunch of long hair beard motherfuckers that don’t just bore the holy shit out of you after a while? No neither can I. Well, guess what sort of an outlook Roddy Woomble was sporting? That’s right, dickweed, and that’s probably why the show was a bit boring and a bit self-indulgent. Anyway that’s just my opinion so don’t shit your pants if you’re an idlewild fan or something.

Alright, I’m going to the doctor’s early tomorrow and get a tetanus shot so I’m finished with this. See you in hell fuckers.